In the 2nd half of life, rather than unconsciously giving into cultural “anti-aging,” or the tendency to “other” those we are hurt by, we can turn inward and see the Enneagram patterns that live in us:
- When our idealized persona (3) cracked.
- When our shadow (6) revealed itself and humbled us.
- When we forgave ourselves, offered forgiveness to others or allowed ourselves to be forgiven (which can be harder than offering it).
Pay attention to those moments in time where you were able to love the confounding polarities within you. Reflect on decades before and see patterns in each decade. Struggle precedes growth.
In the second half, life presses in on you leaving your disoriented. You experience thresholds impacting you in ways you hadn’t imagined:
- children leaving home,
- a loss of vitality for a work that had fed you,
- a lost dream,
- the loss of a community,
- a painful betrayal,
- a financial crisis
- a mental health crisis in you or someone you love,
- the powerlessness and grief of losing loved ones,
- the planet burning and blowing,
- illness,
- your body changing,
- the nation arguing without listening to the pain underneath.
- the realization of hurt you caused.
Notice when you choose comfort and safety over growth. You fight, flee and fawn. You avoid honest encounters. You want to go back to the comfort of an earlier time. The culture aids and abets us. It feeds our self-righteousness, denial, distraction, blame, justification and rationalization.
Some of the most powerful moment are when we accept the change. Like the nautilus, we knew realize we have outgrown our old chamber. We begin building a new one even as we are thrown off by the loss of control, security and connection with people and ideas that mattered most.
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The Nautilus
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The nautilus doesn’t rid itself of the outgrown chamber. It seals it off and fills it with air for buoyancy so it can rise in its daily journey from the depths of the ocean to the surface and back down again. What was outgrown is part of it.
With growth, the spiral-like body becomes larger and more buoyant. This sacred geometry lives in our human heart. Hope as a practice in the face of hopelessness. Faith in something deeper than our egoic desires. Love that transcends but includes all the struggles that are part of being human.
We can’t maintain our aliveness w/out awareness & intentional practice. It’s too much. Especially now.
Try inner tasks of the day. Cultivate courage. Explore practices that help with emotional energy leaks. As a social 7, I have a pattern of projecting my pain onto others and not having capacity to bear suffering without “leaking” energy onto others. My inner practices in the last couple of years became non-negotiable.
Join me in paying attention: Each day and decade reveals something new.