I sent this poem to an Enneagram 9 on retreat. They’re finding the voice they silence when in the throes of their type structure.
Many 9s tell a story of taking excessive responsibility for others. 2s do too. They begin to resent it. Others resent their resentment. Break the cycle.
9s and 2s: This will be the hardest work you’ve done: leverage the energy in a clearly stated No. To your partner, your adult/ teen children, a parent and your workplace. It makes you less resentful and less inclined to blame others. You have agency and a part in this dynamic. You’re not a victim of someone else. You’re whole and your time and energy matters. Some will struggle with it. That is their work to do. Not yours.
If you’re in relationship with a 9 or a 2, their “no” may feel odd. It may be an irritated and grumpy “no”…there’s a lot of unmetabolized anger in too many “yesses.” Get out of their boat and stay in yours and practice your own gentle self care.
Relationships go through cycles of order, disorder, reorder. Allow space for the disorder. When we awaken to new layers of our egoic patterns, there is disorder and with time, reorder as a new pattern stabilizes.
The Journey
Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
What you had to do, and began, Though the voices around you Kept shouting
Their bad advice‚
Though the whole house
Began to tremble
And you felt the old tug
At your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
Each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
Though the wind pried
With its stiff fingers
At the very foundations‚
Though their melancholy
Was terrible.
It was already late
Enough, and a wild night,
And the road full of fallen Branches and stones.
But little by little,
As you left their voices behind,
The stars began to burn
Through the sheets of clouds,
And there was a new voice,
Which you slowly
Recognized as your own,
That kept you company
As you strode deeper and deeper Into the world,
Determined to do
The only thing you could do‚
Determined to save
The only life you could save.